TRUE LOVE

This is dedicated to all of our real, generous, unselfish, unconditional loves that support us to keep going when circumstances are not that easy.

Specially to Miriam Robles and Anna Gual, who have been my very best daily support in the past four years. That refers specifically to a Miriam’s message, which catches somebody’s high energy levels through my writing.

In a mad world where things are not going that well, being able to receive and generate that kind of feeling is a privilege. Yes dear, what we’re talking about here, must be love in caps. And it’s all about you.

For my own increasing adrenaline levels, the thing is that I can see him, and I can also see you, as you can see me, and that’s a lot of love floating in the air fulfilling my emptiness.

I guess it’s quite normal that a child who has to see, heard and understand, between lines, what the elders are hiding to her (by the age of 7) because mummy is dying, develops this kind of ability to “see” people.

But that’s another story. What I can see now when I look in the mirror, like I’ve been reborn in these past four years, is that little girl who used to write fairy tales, before all the damage was inflicted… And that’s all because of you, my dear friends… and probably, also, because of him.

It’s just that sometimes when I look at him I can see quite a lot of myself. Like this photograph, where we both are wearing old, I guess somehow beloved jackets…

You know how much I like everything about being a woman, and I feel like around him in these meetings it’s all about that. I think he’s not aware there’s something beyond his ability to make female voices and perform.

Something concerning him talking about equals when lots of women are bad wounded and killed everyday for the ones who were supposed to take care of them.

And it all started with a single sentence in a song. I got amazed that a man could see a woman’s tiredness. Later I got shocked that someone who seemed to catch so easily women’s souls (that’s probably the reason for his magnificent female performances), wrote once and again all that bitter love songs.

It was just like… you can see them, but they can’t see you? And that might be a feeling that I know about very well.

What I wanted to find out, mostly, is why people you understand that well, won’t listen? And I had an answer recently (as always without even asking)… Maybe we are supposed to write about it, spread the message all around, hoping that somebody will revert it to the ones who need the more to know about it.

I heard someone saying that he’s got a lot of disabled fans. I think some disabilities, some internal wounds, are not easy to notice, but anyway they hurt.

And when I see women that couldn’t walk on the streets without having a panic attack, that are now taking planes on their own, overcoming their fears, crossing oceans, just to see him. You have to forgive me if I believe the man deserves a monument. Some people’ve got it for less.

But I still remember that it all started with you. That I couldn’t have managed that summer 2003 without you guys. That you helped me to get ready for the path I’m walking now. Wherever it’s leading me.

And don’t think I can’t see your flaws or his. That’s a part of your humanity that make me respect you even more, when I see you fighting them. But I guess I like taking the best of you. I know now that you cannot love what you can’t respect.

I thought that for love I was denied, but I feel it everywhere, and I have to thank you for that…. You, who’ve been there from the very beginning, you, magnificent open minded people who will read anything I write no matter the language…

I’m referring here, not just the one who inspired this writing whit her message, but every true friendship, which must be the more unselfish, the more unconditional of all loves.

That love that supports you when the ones who were supposed to love you the more didn’t….

That love that got you, dear people, out of bed at 5 a.m. to drive me to the station, cause I had to catch a plane. I’m not talking about that phone call in May 2005, that I couldn’t have survived without you.

That love that make my life easier when you cook pastries or make reservations for me. That love that made you sew me, or draw me, a couple of wings to fly…

I’m not that young or naïf. There’s a very meditated decision of being positive here. I just think you’ve got two choices: take the best of what happen to you (while trying to avoid bad things) and be happy, or embitter yourself with filth you inevitably will have to fight.

For men, I know they have their flaws, but so do women. And I know also, there’s a lot of them out there trying… What can I say, I’m a believer…

So while I’m waiting for that love who’s much more delayed than denied, I’m focusing on that character I hope will bring me/us a little bit of hope, and why not, a lot of fun.

I’m glad you can feel his energy (and the ladies’ too) through me, when I’m back from one of the meetings. One day when work commitments allow us I’m taking you with me to meet all of them.

Meanwhile I just wanted to make you know that I won’t forget neither the closers, nor the furthers, out of my reach, that I couldn’t spent much time with while they were here, but whose love I still feel all around.

And the most amazing thing is, I remember clearly telling you (writing actually, you were recovering from a car crash at that point) that you glowed when you smiled at that boy that now is a past history.

As I said, that was one of the three more amazing smiles I’ve ever seen. And I’ve just seen that smile again a few days ago, and you were smiling… at me.

So while I could see myself reflected in you people that I can really love, I realized that although I can’t find the love I’ve always wanted, love is all around.

And the thing is that by looking at you, people I can truly trust and respect, I’ve found out that I can feel my own smile, see my own reflection in your mirror, and learn to love it.